Lessons from a bike ride

This past weekend I participated in a charity bike ride for Love146. Let’s just say that it’s been a VERY long time since I’ve ridden any significant distance on a bike. When I was in my 20’s I used to ride with friends on bike tours through the green mountains in Vermont. But this weekend I was reminded that I’m not in my 20’s anymore. Not even close. After the first few long hills I thought I might end up being the object of charity.

At one point while climbing a hill, I not only heard my heart pounding and my breathing turn to panting, but I kept hearing the last words of my wife from when I walked out the door… “Don’t kill yourself on this ride Rob. You’re not in your 20’s anymore and I’m not going with you to Vietnam if you’re in traction.

I quickly realized that if you don’t pace yourself and think you can sprint the whole way you may not have what it takes to finish. Unless you’re like my friend Matthew (Terra Nova Matthew) who has legs like pistons, a bike like the Batmobile, and did 75 miles in about the time it took most people to do 30.

My inspiration turned out to be my friend and co-worker Kathy, who rode a beach cruiser bicycle, fully equipped with dual rear baskets and a bell on the handlebar. Not exactly the kind of bike you want to ride for any distance. But she paced herself the whole way and finished in style. Not only with a smile on her face and hardly a drop of sweat, but also arriving at the finish line on a very cool bike. She just kept going like the Energizer bunny. Didn’t finish first, but finished well.

All this to say…I also realized that I haven’t paced myself very well in our pursuit of our daughter Honour. I feel like we have been sprinting for two years, and honestly… I am exhausted.

I have always felt a little sorry for those dogs at the dog races that are running around the track chasing after the fake rabbit in a futile attempt to catch it. This adoption process has felt a little like that at times. It seems like just when we begin to see the finish line; it either moves further away or disappears entirely. We feel what author Robert Benson describes as “lost between the dreaming and the coming true”.

So I learned something this weekend. It’s about endurance. It’s about never giving up. This journey to our daughter is not about chasing a rabbit or climbing a mountain or crossing a finish line; (Although she is a really cute finish line). This is about a little girl named Honour. This is about family. This is about a place called home. We’re coming for you princess.

-Rob

We live for these...

Every 3 months we receive a much anticipated "Child Update" from our agency. It includes updated health and development information for our daughter as well as new PHOTOS !!! We just received a new update for Honour today.

According to the update she has only gained about a half pound and grown about an inch. She's in the same dress she was in for the last update...the dress we sent her for her 3rd birthday in January. She has been healthy for the last three months. This is great news, as she had a very rough first two years which included being hospitalized twice. She has some verbal communication challenges, just now learning to speak in three word sentences.

We are very grateful that she is in a foster home receiving excellent care. She gets along very well with everyone in her foster family, especially her foster sister An. Her update says that she is a quiet child who eats well and loves to try new food. She also loves going out on the motorbike and likes TV and having new clothes and toys. We think she's going to fit right in with our family! Here are some more pictures of beautiful Honour:

Before you know it...

Tyler then...

(yes that's his hair!)

The last I blogged, I was getting ready for our son’s graduation from high school. The next day I left for two days to speak at a conference. Got home just in time for Father’s Day and then Monday was my birthday. What a whirlwind!

I had the awesome privilege of watching our oldest son Tyler graduate from high school last Thursday. Such mixed emotions of joy, immense pride, and even some sadness. It’s true what they say…”they grow up so fast”. In fact our youngest son Micah spent a good part of the ceremony sobbing at the thought of his big brother and hero leaving. It was heartbreaking.

I was reminded of the moment right after Tyler was born and I held him in my arms for the first time. All I could remember thinking was… “I have a son. This is my boy!” I remember crying when the nurses put clothes on him for the first time thinking, “this is it…there’s no more turning back…welcome to the world little man”. There was this overwhelming sense of launching him out into life; aware of all the joys and heartache, triumph and setbacks, beauty and mess that would lie ahead. I had that exact same feeling as he accepted his diploma last Thursday night. And fighting back tears again, I was consumed by the thought… “That’s my son. This is my boy!” So if you don’t mind, I’d like to address the rest of this blog to him.

Ty: All day I had this slide show going on in my mind. Moments…snapshots… of this gift called Tyler. Moments like the time mom and I came home after seeing the movie “My Life” and I sat by your bed while you were sleeping, listening to you breathing. I thought my heart was going to burst out of my chest at the thought that God entrusted you to us.

I remember the time when I walked into your preschool class only to catch you doing an Elvis impersonation, and thinking “uh-oh, I think we are in for an interesting journey.”

I also remember that long night when we were in the Amazon, and Mom and I took turns staying up all night, frantically waving towels and t-shirts over you and Amber, attempting to protect you from the ravenous mosquitoes that seemed hell-bent on draining every last drop of blood from your little bodies.

Or what about the time you and I put our motorcycle helmets on so we could still cook out on the barbeque grill during the hail storm in Texas? The sound of the hail on our helmets was deafening. Or was that our laughter?

I’ll never forget when you came with me to Africa and the look on your face when we landed on the runway. With a tired smile you looked at me and said “I’m here…I’m finally here”. A dream you had since you were five now coming true.

I remember our “guy week” in Texas watching Braveheart and Gladiator, and talking about courage, passion and loyalty, etc.

I remember thinking you were crazy when you took the wheels off your skateboard so you could try “rockboarding” down the cliffs at East Rock. I’ll never forget seeing you walk in the door later that day with scrapes, bruises and blood everywhere, and that huge smile on your face and you exclaiming, “That was AWESOME”!

What about eating Cracker Jacks at Yankee stadium? Or front row seats (wait…we never sat) to see U2 at Madison Square Garden?

I could go on and on. I remember during some of these moments, thinking to myself, “Don’t forget this. Remember this moment.” Well I haven’t forgotten Ty. They are like the “special rocks” I carry with me in my pocket.

So in launching you out this time, I’ll leave you with the words you’ve heard me say a million times. Dream big. Take risks. Love God and love people. Change the world…just like you did mine when you entered into it a little over 18 years ago. I love you Ty.


-Dad

Tyler now.

Ty's Graduation foot attire. I wonder which are his?!!


“This is it…there’s no more turning back…welcome to the world little man”.

What a day!!

We woke up this morning, checked our email and saw we had an email from “Hanoi Adoptions Unit- US Embassy Vietnam”!!!! We read the following words; “Greetings from the Hanoi Adoptions Unit at US Embassy Hanoi. As you can see in the attachment, based on a preliminary determination of orphan status by the US Citizenship and Immigration Service you are now authorized to travel to Vietnam to complete the adoption of Anh”(Honour). This is huge news for us. It is the 49th day of the estimated 60 working days time period. Now we are just waiting to hear from the Vietnam side of things for final travel approval.

But that’s not all! Tonight our oldest son Tyler graduates from high school!! And I have the amazing privilege of being the commencement speaker for his graduation. I have so much to say about him but I will save it for another post. I have to finish preparing for tonight. We are incredibly proud of him! To say that celebration is the current atmosphere in our home is an understatement.

-Rob
The Happy Graduate. A picture paints a thousand words.

Princess stuff...

A Conversation overheard between Micah and Jasmine today while they snuggled on the couch, looking through our newly arrived Magic Cabin Toy catalogue…

Her: (looking sweetly at her big brother’s face) “We can get that if we put our dollars together, right Micah?”

Him: (staring hard at page) “No…I don’t think so.”

Her: (Still looking hopefully into his face) “But I don’t need anymore princess stuff Micah. I already have some princess stuff.”

Him: (eyebrows drawn, still looking intently at the page he’s been reading) “NO! You NEED more princess stuff. You WILL be a princess…”

After which they promptly asked for hot chocolate, “Because it is a hot chocolate kind of day…”

The end.

-Christel

What are we waiting for??????

We are now well over 2 years into this process of bringing Honour home. According to all estimates we are supposed to be nearing the finish line…again. We’ve thought this before. So much has happened within the US and Vietnam adoption program within the last 7-8 months. It has been such a rollercoaster ride. Only not as fun. In a process of what seems like a thousand baby steps toward our daughter, we are down to the last crucial few. And they seem to be taking the longest.

We are currently waiting for United States Citizenship and Immigration Services in Vietnam to make their final determination on our I-600, “Petition to Classify Orphan as an Immediate Relative.” This is the required step for all US citizens who want to adopt from Vietnam. The US reviews the petition and supporting evidence to determine whether a child qualifies as an orphan and can be issued a visa. Most determinations are supposed to be completed in 60 working days. We are now at 45 working days, which is what they say is the “current average processing time.”

We are also waiting on the last two steps on the Vietnam side of things. We recently received approval from the Department of Justice (DOJ) in our daughter’s province. (This step has taken 8 months). We are now waiting for them to send our paperwork to the Ministry of Justice (MOJ) and then on to the Peoples Committee for final approval to bring Honour home.

Meanwhile… we are watching our little girl grow up from a distance, and trying hard to be patient and to keep hope alive.

Anne Lamott writes in her book Traveling Mercies; "It's funny: I always imagined when I was a kid that adults had some kind of inner toolbox, full of shiny tools: the saw of discernment, the hammer of wisdom, the sandpaper of patience. But then when I grew up I found that life handed you these rusty bent old tools — friendships, prayer, conscience, and honesty — and said, Do the best you can with these. They will have to do. And mostly, against all odds, they're enough."

So… no shiny tool of patience here. Just friends who care, and simple prayers that ache with longing. And for today…it is enough. Thanks for caring.

-Rob

Great ambition…

I was talking to my son Micah today about Barack Obama possibly becoming the first black President. I asked him if he would ever want to become President one day. His reply: “I don’t want to be President because then I would be in meetings all the time and never get to spend time with my family.”

In asking our daughter Jasmine what she wants to be when she grows up, she replies, “I’m going to be a great poem maker when I grow up and work at Dunkin Donuts so I can feed all the kids I’m gonna adopt.”

Man, I love my kids.

(On some days Jazz also says she wants to be a hockey player and the chef of her own restaurant). Gotta love diversity in vocation! (And the possibility of free coffee from Dunkin Donuts).

-Rob

Introducing our Tribe...

We are Rob and Christel. We grew up in New York about 5 minutes from each other and were “high school sweethearts”. We will be married 24 years this July. Christel is a stay at home Mom and home schools our two youngest children. Rob is the President and co-founder of an international Human Rights Organization dealing with child trafficking called Love146.


Our Daughter Amber is finishing her junior year at a university in Seattle. She is majoring in Creative Writing and is unbiasedly one of our favorite writers.


Our son Tyler is graduating from high school in a few weeks. He is an excellent athlete, has a sick sense of humor, and has been blessed with a compassionate heart.


Our daughter Michaela is 12 and will be entering Junior High School this September. We adopted Michaela from China when she was two. She seems to have a photographic memory and beats all of us at any board game involving the use of your brain.


Our son Micah is 8. He is our “ACTIVE” child in every sense of the term. He also is a tremendous athlete and a die hard Yankee fan. We adopted Micah here in the U.S. when he was 2 days old.

Our daughter Jasmine (we call her Jazz) is 6. She is an incredibly joyful child and is always singing. We adopted Jazz here in the U.S. when she was 4 days old.

Our Daughter Honour (Anh) is 3 and still in Vietnam, hopefully for not much longer. She has had some health issues but seems to be improving. She is described by her caregiver as a quiet child who likes to climb on everything in the house and loves new clothes. Uh-oh…