The dream of God

About 12 years ago we began the adoption process for a child from China. After almost two years into the process we received a call from our agency saying that our petition to adopt was denied by China and our hope for a child came to an abrupt end. I will never forget that day. My wife literally dropped the phone and fell to her knees sobbing. I remember her stretching her arms out in front of her and crying out “My arms physically ache to hold my little girl and now I’m being told it’s never going to happen.”

There are few times in life that you experience this kind of grief. It was the loss of a child. Though we had never seen her face to face, she became ours through our longing and our daily prayers for her. I remember our older kids calling her by the nickname “China girl”. We would pray every night for “China girl” to come home soon. So this was a devastating loss for our little family.

Christel and I attended some adoption support group meetings for the next few months to help us work through the grieving process. During this time we had well meaning people endeavor to come up with explanations of why this happened or try to “fix” things by coming up with the right thing to say. These were sincere attempts to comfort us or make sense out of something that didn’t make any sense. The most helpful were those few close friends who did not have any answers but were courageous enough to be with us in our pain without trying to fix it and to practice what Paul the Apostle encouraged us to do... “Weep with those who weep.”

Side note: For some incredibly practical and life giving advice on helping those who grieve, check out this from one of our favorite bloggers: (Thanks Ann!) http://crazyforkids.blogspot.com/2008/08/helping-bereaved.html

We spent months attempting to find some healing for our broken hearts. One Friday night we were heading out the door for a support group meeting when the phone rang. We were going to ignore it because we were already running late for the meeting. At the last second I decided to answer it. The words I heard on the other end have been burned into my memory forever. “Rob, this is your adoption agency. You are about to have a great weekend! We have a little girl for you in China! Your daughter is coming home” Stammering for words I asked “What?? How?? I thought that it was over??” To which she replied; “So did we. But we just received a package from China with your names all over it, with the referral of a little 20 month old girl who has the face of an angel.” She said she had no idea how it happened.

I just broke into sobs and laughter, and the social worker at our agency was crying on the other end of the phone shouting “I love my job”!! Christel came running in and frantically started asking, “What’s going on?? Who is it?? What’s happening??” Through tears and laughter I just looked at her and said, “China girl is coming home. Our little girl is coming home!” I wondered if this is how the family of the little girl that Jesus raised from the dead felt.

A few weeks later we were on our way to China. I will never forget the day when we found ourselves standing in a room in Chongqing, China with a few other families, waiting for the orphanage workers to bring in our children. When they finally announced our name, we saw an orphanage worker walk into the room holding by the hands… the dream of God. A little girl, who we named Michaela. The worker slowly walked her over to where we were standing. I watched as once again my wife dropped to her knees and stretched out her arms. Arms that would now no longer ache. The orphanage worker let go of Michaela’s little hands, and just like she always belonged there, she hobbled into the embrace of arms that have never let go. China girl was home.

In the last few weeks that same familiar ache has been intensifying. The ache to hold. To embrace. To love. It is almost unbearable. But I know a day is coming. A day not unlike that day almost 10 years ago. A day when the dream of God becomes a reality again.
I can only hope it comes soon.

-Rob