If desperation had a face

Which is a more desperate longing? To find or to be found? If you have ever lost something of value, you understand the ache to find. If you’ve ever lost your car keys, a wallet or maybe even a child in a store, you know what I’m talking about.

I remember when Christel was in the hospital after giving birth to our son Tyler. While she was there, I was left in charge of our 2 year old daughter Amber. This was a huge act of trust and risk taking on my wife’s part. Since she was in the hospital, she really didn’t have much choice. This was my chance to prove what a great Dad I was.

The only other time I was ever left alone and “in charge” of Amber was about a year before Tyler was born. Christel left me with Amber so she could go out shopping for an hour. While she was gone, Amber drank a whole bottle of bubbles while I was in another room. Not good.

So now I had the chance to redeem myself. On the way to the hospital to visit Christel, I stopped by a store to pick something up and when I turned around, Amber was gone! After calling her name and looking up and down aisles without finding her, I quickly moved into panic mode. Store employees joined the search to no avail. My fear quickly turned to terror. Just about the time I was either going to crumple to the floor in despair or jump out of a window, I heard the sound of giggling coming from inside a rack of clothes. I pulled the clothes aside and there was little Amber just having the greatest time hiding from Dad. Terror instantly turned to relief, joy and celebration.

The desperation to find can be intense. My friend Mike wrote a line in a song which says; “If desperation had a face, would it look like me?” Have you seen that look? I remember seeing it a few years ago in the faces of wives and children desperately waiting for news on the fate of husbands or fathers who were trapped in a coal mine in West Virginia. I saw it again that same year, in the faces of family members anxiously awaiting news from search parties looking for their loved ones lost on Mt. Hood in Oregon. I’ve seen it in the faces of mothers in China desperately digging through the rubble of schools that crumbled in on their children after a massive earthquake earlier this year.

The desperation to be found is equally intense. More than once I’ve heard the desperate cries of one of my kids who have wandered away from us in a crowded store and found themselves all of a sudden alone in another aisle, with Mom and Dad nowhere to be found. The sound of fear in their voice crying out; “MOM!! DAD!!” could send every mother and father in the store running to find them.

Sadly, we rarely hear the stories of those desperate to be found. We can’t begin to imagine what it must have been like to be trapped in the depths of a dark mine, or huddled in a snow cave, or buried under rubble, longing for the sound or sight of those who are desperate to find. I’ve seen the look in the eyes of those desperate to be found. I’ve seen it in the homeless and the broken. I’ve seen it in children first coming into one of our safehomes and in the look of children (especially older children) in orphanages still waiting for families of their own.

The longing to find and the longing to be found have many of the same expressions. They both involve fear, terror, desperation, grief, hope, expectation.

Which is a more desperate longing? I don’t know.

This I do know:
I looked in the mirror this morning and saw the face of desperation. A desperation to find. I want my little girl home.

If desperation had a face…it would look like me.

-Rob

Next post: Which is a greater joy and celebration? Finding or being found?