So beautiful

“There was a star danced, and under that was I born” - Shakespeare

It was yesterday…oh wait, it was actually over 22 years ago that Christel and I walked into the doctor’s office suspecting that she might be pregnant for the first time. I will never forget it. We had been trying for a while and were so excited that this dream to have a child might actually become a reality. I sat in the waiting room with a few other people and waited for her as she went into the examining room for “the test”. Those ten minutes seemed like ten years. When she finally emerged from the examining room, she was a different woman. She was almost floating instead of walking. Her entire countenance had changed. Her face was lit up like Moses coming down off of the mountain after meeting God. And like Moses, she could have used a veil to cover her shining face to protect those who were in the waiting room. She looked with eyes sparkling, and said those words you remember forever; “We’re going to have a baby!” Our world changed in that moment and has never been the same since.

Fast forward 9 months. When the moment came to rush to the hospital, I wish that I can I say that I remained calm. I didn’t. I grabbed the suitcase near the door and ran out to the car like a bat out of hell. After jumping into the car and starting it, it took a minute to realize I had forgotten my laboring wife in the house. (No “typical guy” comments please.) To make a long story short, Christel was in labor for over 18 hours and the Lamaze techniques we learned to ease the pain, went out the window in the first hour. (Along with two nurses and some expensive hospital equipment. Ha!) Hint for soon-to-be first time fathers: During your wife's contractions, stay at least an arm's length away when telling her to focus and breathe.

Like a good husband, I stayed by Christel’s side and held her hand the whole time, stationing myself next to her head. Mostly because I didn’t really want to get too close to where the “action” was taking place because I didn’t know if I could handle it. I had heard the horror stories of the sturdiest of men dropping like flies. The moment came when the doctor said: “Rob this is it…you need to come down here and see this. The baby’s head is crowning.” CROWNING??!! What the heck??!! In laymen’s terms this means the baby’s head is coming out now. I assured the doctor that my wife REALLY needed me by her side…right where I was. The Doctor then demanded that I come down to see this miracle happen. I did. And it WAS a miracle.

We chose not to know the sex of our child until the baby was born. There aren’t words to describe the moment when the Doctor announced, “You have a baby girl!” Have you ever laughed and cried so hard at the same time that the sounds that come out don’t even sound human? Or maybe way too human?

Christel was so exhausted that the Doctor looked at me and said, “Rob, would you like to hold your daughter?” A side note: I had never held a baby in my life until that moment. Not because I wanted to do a noble thing and save the experience until that moment, but mostly because I was just afraid of holding babies. This was a fear instilled in me by others. It seemed that anytime someone with a new baby was around and they handed the baby to someone else to hold, they would usually give instructions as they handed it off; “make sure you hold it like this.” Make sure you support the head.”etc. I never held a baby because I was afraid of doing it wrong. What if the neck broke or the head dropped off because I held it wrong. No thank you. Knowing this, Christel, being the wise woman that she is, went out a few weeks before she was due, and bought a doll with a very heavy head that I could practice holding. So when the Doctor said, “Rob, would you like to hold your daughter?” I, with all the confidence in the world replied, “Yes I would!”

It was 22 years ago today that I held my daughter in my arms for the first time. I was not prepared for that moment. I had not memorized an eloquent speech, nor did I have any profound words. I just looked into those eyes still blinking at the bright lights of the delivery room, and with tears coming down my face (as they are now), kept stammering over and over again, “You are so beautiful. You are so beautiful. You are so beautiful.” This was all I could manage to say. There is a verse that states, “The mouth speaks from that which fills the heart.” That cold Sunday afternoon 22 years ago, a little baby girl named Amber filled our hearts. And they have been bursting ever since.

So Amber…on this special day…as we celebrate your birth from a distance, we want to say it to you again, just in case you have forgotten…You are so beautiful. You are so beautiful. You are so beautiful. When you look up into the sky tonight and see “your star” (the big one), remember that we love you bigger than the sky. Your life is a gift to us and to the world.

Amber-Born at halftime during the 1987 Superbowl. The NY Giants won!

Amber= Beautiful, thoughtful, gifted, compassionate, creative, authentic.

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Dad and Mom